I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
