Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
