Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
