You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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