it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
