we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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