Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
