she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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