He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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