My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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