She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
