I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
