since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
