Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
