there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
