So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
