so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize