Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
