I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had sex on a roof
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
