I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
