my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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