I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
