Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
