were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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