The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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