I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
