Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
