I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
