You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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