An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
