the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hippo gnu deer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
