my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
