Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
