we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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