There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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