We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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