both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're like the curious george of whores
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
