don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i drank out of a bidet.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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