So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When are your genitals available?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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