I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
