She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
