i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
