bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
