the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
