omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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