adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize