apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
