question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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