I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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