I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
