this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
