I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
