just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
