my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
