I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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