thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize