I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
