Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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