Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
