I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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