I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
