I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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