I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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