So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
