Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
