I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
