I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
