is your mom at the bar?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
