god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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