Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
