so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
