every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
