I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
