nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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