Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize