Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
