I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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