I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
