what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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