just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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