If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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