it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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