I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
