Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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