Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
