you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
