your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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