there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
