Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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