Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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