i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
