you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
