That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
