I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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