i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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