he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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