I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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