you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
