How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
